Lean In and Find the Magic

Sometimes we find ourselves in terrain that is a bit tricky to traverse and yet, if we can lean into the discomfort, we can usually find our way.

I literally experienced this on a recent hike, suddenly finding myself in an unforeseen snowstorm choosing my footing very carefully, scanning ahead for the right places to step next, slipping and sliding, and thinking “Why am I out here?”As I was gingerly manoeuvring my way down, I became aware of my thinking in that moment. I was at first making each step soooo cautiously, and then by choosing a more empowering mindset and maybe due to the steepness of the terrain, I started going with the flow‒more quickly and with more confidence.

It became a bit of a game - could I do it without falling down, keeping my forward motion and feeling more confident and empowered as I went. Leaning into it rather than back on my heels? I did fall - and have the bruises to prove it, but as I figured things out, I kept my feet moving and found my way.

Life, just like mountain terrain, has its challenges, and by leaning in, turning to the challenge rather than away, magic can happen. I have found my stress is reduced as I step into my own power and take back the reins.

What can you lean into this week? What mindset can you shift?

Change your mind, build your resilience, stand in your power!

Finding our way through chaos

Like so many of us during this chaotic, unprecedented time, my mind has been going a mile a minute, jumping from one thing to another, and my emotions have ranged from fear to anxiety and surprisingly at times to calm. In these moments of calm, there is a small voice asking questions, prodding me to look under the fear and anxiety, and hold onto the truth below all of this. Nothing is permanent and this current lack of control and powerlessness will pass. I have been talking to lots of people and reading and listening to many inspiring voices. One of the questions that has come up is how do I want to "Be" with all of this? What's really important here, who do I want to be, and how do I want to go through this as it is really important and will make a difference. It may only matter to me and how I see myself through this, or it may impact many.

If so, what kind of impact do I want to make? Do I want to be raging, anxious, doom and gloom, or do I want to be calm, a source of stability, strength, and action? This morning when I came to my journaling I realized I hadn't consciously asked myself how I wanted to be through all of this, even though I had asked that question of others.

So I asked and this is what I discovered. I want to be a place of calm in the storm, an inspiration for those who need that, a place of refuge for the weary and scared, the one who knows that these storms do pass. I don't have all the answers by any means, but I can listen. And maybe through our conversations you can find your way through too.

And while we don't know what the future might bring, and there may be more hard times ahead, we know we have what it takes to meet that challenge when it arrives. I want to be open to learning, growing, seeing the silver lining, while also being aware of the fears, the trials, the losses, both personal and as a whole. I want to be better, to dig a bit deeper, and to hold space for myself and for others to be with this chaos, and to move through it, and to come out the other side stronger than ever.

Therefore, I have extended my hours to help accommodate additional coaching to help you create a plan of action and to ride this crisis out your way (if the medical personnel and others in essential services can do it, so can I)!

As well, I am offering one complimentary Covid-19 coaching package (4-30 minute sessions) to the first person who emails me and who has also been laid off or has had to close their business due to the Covid-19 crisis. If I can accommodate more than one, I will.

Please email me directly at debra@debrastewartcoaching.com and forward this on to others who might benefit. We are in this together. <3

Finish Strong - Start Fresh

As we draw to the end of 2019, I find myself taking stock, not only of the year, but also of the decade. I love to look at the bigger picture at see what I have accomplished, experienced, completed, and learned. I remember even as a kid, loving the end of the year and beginning a new one – it’s kind of like going back to school in September, but with even more promise! This seems like a great opportunity to reset and start fresh. There is a lot of attention on setting resolutions and goals for the year ahead, but I see it a bit differently now.

According to Forbes.com, less than 25% of people are still working their New Year’s resolutions 30 days after they begin, and a mere 8% actually achieve them. Those are rather daunting stats to be sure. So rather than setting New Year’s resolutions that fail and give you an opportunity to be down on yourself, it might be time to try something new.

This doesn’t have to be a complicated exercise. So let’s keep it simple.

How to Finish Strong?

You have just a few days left in this year. What needs to be completed? What can carry-over?

What do you want to DO this holiday season, and even more importantly, how do you want to BE? Self-compassion, self-care (putting on your own oxygen mask first, as they say!), and giving yourself permission to do those things that fill you up rather than depleting you is key here!

Now to Start FRESH – both the new year and the new decade of the 20’s!

First off, ensure you have a bit of time to think and reflect. Set aside an hour of quiet time. (Stop the shopping, wrapping, busy-making, attending events, and give yourself time). 

Next, grab your 2019 calendar, any journal, or online app that helps you review your year. I don’t know about you, but trying to remember specifics that happened all the way back to last January is challenging. Having your calendar, daytimer, or whatever calendaring app you use handy makes it easy to go back and review.

Start with gratitude…what are you grateful for in 2019?

Now that you are in a gentler place, ask these three questions:

What do I need to stop doing?

What do I need to continue doing?

What do I need to start doing?

Starting Fresh in 2020

2020 is a fresh start, a chance to reset the dial on habits you want to change, perspectives that might be more life-affirming, connections that work for you rather than against, situations, work, and learning that is meaningful and brings satisfaction and dare I say it – JOY-filled!

First, give yourself Grace – forgive what wasn’t perfect last year, and let go of what needs to be let go (including being Perfect!) (Include those things on your STOP list)

Continue and Start…

Celebrate: Bring forward your wins and any big learnings. We are often so busy jumping into the new year, we forget to celebrate the accomplishments, the wins, the successes (big and small!).

What do you need to Start doing?

Check in with your heart…What are your biggest dreams for 2020 – what makes your heart really sing?

How do you want to feel? I mean really feel? Energized, Open, Free… explore what calls to you…

What strengths do you really want to own and develop? How can you leverage them this year?

Be courageous, dream big…the possibilities are endless!

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year’s to all! Let’s make 2020 the best year yet!

Surviving the holidays...finding calm in the chaos!

Although many of us say we look forward to the holidays, and some of us genuinely do, studies have shown that stress does increase during the holiday season. It might be the stress related to balancing workloads while trying to shop, decorate the house, attend school plays, pack for travel, or preparing meals and entertaining. Or, it could be piling on a layer or two by adding in the pain of any personal transition like surviving loss, facing the holidays alone, spending your first season without a loved one who has passed away, or a recent breakup which changes much of what we have come to expect. Even if your life in this season of time is going smoothly, there are simply more demands on your time.

What are some tips for staying calm and intentional through the holidays?  

Here are five ways I bring myself back to center: 

1. Have a plan.

   A plan provides some stability, a container of sorts that can bring you through the toughest of times. Look at the month ahead and literally plan out what needs to be done, what is essential, and if you have capacity over and above the “must do’s”, put in some of the 'nice to do's'. Some people prefer high level, big-picture plans, and others do better with day by day detailed schedules. Do what feels right for you.

2. Keep it simple.

   Holiday traditions have provided habits and ways of doing things, but in your first season after a major personal upheaval, creating some new traditions may take the sting out of the change. If you always go somewhere or do one particular thing, do something else - change up the menu, order in pizza, adjust how much and who to buy for, volunteer at a food bank or give of yourself in some way. Opt-out of whatever feels heavy!

3. Give yourself grace and compassion.

   We are often our own worst enemy - piling on the guilt and shame and remorse when what we really needed is kindness. Give yourself the space to cry and grieve, to honour loved ones, to make mistakes, to take a pass on the family dinner, because it just might take too much energy. Taking a hot bath, walking outside, physical movement of any kind, and good sleep are just some ways to care for ourselves. Oh, and be mindful of what you are fueling your body with! What are your best self-care go-to’s?

4. Give yourself FULL permission to do whatever you feel like doing.

   Allow yourself to pay attention to what fills you up and what drains you emotionally - people, friends, family, traditions, events, activities. Only do what feels positive, what lifts you up, or keeps you neutral. Don't dip into the negative. How do you connect with the inner voice that gives you this clarity?

5. Practice Mindfulness

   Maybe this should be at the beginning of the list, because it is so important. Stay present. If you are at your child's school play, BE there. If you are creating a shopping list, BE there. If you are in a yoga class and moving your body, and taking good care of yourself, BE there. Wherever you are, BE there. That is mindfulness. You can up the game by meditating, journaling, and having a gratitude practice, but for now, just find yourself where you are, and this season, too, shall pass.